leave you when the summer comes along
by beware of trips
Summary: FP leaves for the army, in three parts.
1. Alice (and Hal)

Alice Smith's voice was, without a doubt, the worst noise in the world to wake up to.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

"Open up, Forsythe!" Her shrill voice carried through the open living room window. Had he fallen asleep out here again? Why even bother with a bed when the couch was becoming his normal sleeping quarters? He placed a pillow over his face to drown her out. "I know you're in there!"

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

"Forsythe Pendleton Jones Junior!" She knocked between each word. "If you think I'm going to give up, you have another thing coming! I have all day!"

"Do you?" a lower voice asked. Alice's knocking paused and FP lifted the pillow slightly off his head to hear better. "Because I'm pretty sure we hardly had the time to stop by here in the first place, much less -"

"Not in the mood, Hal," Alice snapped. "Now either start knocking on windows or leave. I can do this on my own if I have to."

"People are staring, Alice!" Hal said in a hushed whisper. FP slowly rose from the couch and tossed his legs over the side. The thermostat reached 90 yesterday and today was going to be even hotter, so every window in the trailer was open, the thin curtains the only thing stopping someone from seeing right in.

"No one cares what I'm doing." Alice banged her fist against the door again. "If people in the Southside know what's good for them, it's minding their own business. Now open this goddamn door!"

"Alice. Alice!" The pounding stopped. FP supposed Hal must have taken her by the wrists. "It's not worth it, okay? Lets just go."

"No! I'm not going anywhere until I talk to him."

FP sat on his knees on the couch, separating the worn curtains just enough to see the couple standing on his small porch. Hal's hands were on Alice's shoulders as she glared up at him.

"Maybe he's not home."

"Of course he's home." Alice rolled her eyes to the morning sky. "His bike is right there."

Hal ran a hand through his hair. "Well, maybe he walked somewhere. Or - or Fred picked him up."

Alice whacked Hal's hand off of her. "If that were a possibility, do you think I'd be in this shithole at 10 am?"

"Watch it, Smith!" a voice called from nearby. "You're from this shithole!"

Alice spun so quick, her hair whipped around and brushed Hal. "Fuck off, Barry!" She leaned over the bannister. "I grew up on Douglas Street, not in this village of tin cans you call a home!"

"Douglas is two streets over! Same shit, Al!"

Alice flipped off the voice before turning back on Hal. "What do you have in the trunk? You think we can get the door off? Or maybe just pop a screen out? I can climb through and -"

"Do you hear yourself?" Hal asked. He shoved his hands in his pockets. "You sound crazy. You're going to break into this trailer for what? To yell at FP? To get yourself all worked up over something that's none of your business?"

"None of my business?" She placed her hands on her hips. "How is this none of my business?"

"This doesn't concern you!" Hal hissed. "This has nothing to do with me or you. Stop." He shook his head. "You need to stop butting into other people's lives, Alice. I'm sorry."

Her nostrils flared. In almost any other situation, he'd feel bad for Hal. Alice was about three seconds from knocking the living daylights out of him. But he knew - and Hal must too - none of that anger was really meant for Hal.

It was for FP.

He grabbed his pack of cigarettes off the coffee table and stuck one in his mouth. As he reached for his lighter, he realized the two of them would probably smell it through the open window, curtain or not. He rolled it around in his mouth for a second before just tucking it behind his ear.

"They are my friends, Hal." Her voice was lower than it had been all morning. "And when there is something wrong with your friends, you help them. You don't walk away when they need you."

"They don't need you to fix anything for them!"

"Of course they do!" she scoffed. "They're morons."

"Oh, Alice," Hal sighed. He slowly placed hands on either of her shoulders. Alice crossed her arms and looked to the side, but he tenderly took her chin in his hand. "Listen to me. Friends or not, you are not responsible for fixing their mistakes. You are not responsible for their happiness. You," he paused, "you can't fix whatever is going on between them, okay? You just can't."

"So what?" Alice asked softly. "I'm only responsible for making you happy? Is that it?"

"No!" He let go of her and ran his hands through his hair again. "You're responsible for making yourself happy. That's it. You make me happy by just being there, by just existing, okay? But here you are, going out of your way to make their problems your problems."

"I -"

"If Fred doesn't want to talk to him, that's Fred's problem. If FP," Hal put his hand against the trailer, "wants to do something with his life, that's his choice. If they don't want to talk to each other about it, that's their problem and not yours."

Alice sucked her cheeks in as Hal spoke. She finally muttered something under her breath as she let her eyes fall to her feet.

"I didn't hear you."

She sighed, blowing a loose strand of hair out of her face. "I didn't - FP, he didn't - he didn't tell me." She looked back up to Hal. "He's my oldest friend and he didn't tell me about this. You know what that's like? Having to hear about this through the goddamn grapevine?"

Hal reached out and brushed some hair behind Alice's ear. "It sucks. I know it does. But - but you and FP haven't been close in a long time. Maybe he knew you'd think it was a bad idea. Maybe he thought you'd try and talk him out of it."

She shook her head slowly, her lips pouting out. "I don't know. All I know is I'll hate myself if I don't do something. I can't leave Riverdale with all this up in the air."

Hal looked back to the trailer. His eyes fixed on the window for a second and FP leaned back.

"Sometimes you need to cut people loose."

"No." Alice's curls waved back and forth as she shook her head. Had she cut her hair to her chin after graduation or before? Had he even seen her since then? "I am not leaving here until I at least talk to him."

"You can't talk him out of this, Alice. Not if he already signed up."

Her lips curled. "You think this is a good idea?"

Hal sighed. "I mean, he's had way worse ideas. Maybe this isn't the end of the world."

He pulled his car keys out of his pocket. He placed them in Alice's hand and closed her other hand over them.

"I'm going to walk to Pops. Just come get me when you're done."

"You're not going to help?"

Hal's back was turned to the window, but FP knew the exact look on his face. He shook his head.

"I think this is something you need to do yourself."

Hal let go of her hands and turned around. Alice took two steps after him, her heels clicking loudly against the small wooden porch.

"I need your help, Hal." She grabbed his shirt and the two came to a stop right in front of the window. "What if he won't see reason? What if he's drunk? What if he pisses me off and I kill him?"

Hal laughed and turned back to her. "If you kill him then it's a good thing we're leaving town soon."

FP brushed away the pang in his chest and put the cigarette back in his mouth. So they really were leaving Riverdale too.

Alice pursed her lips. "You're going to be okay walking to Pops? It's a rough neighborhood."

"I can practically smell the fries from here. I think I'll manage."

She tilted her head up and kissed Hal on the cheek. "Half an hour, tops. I swear."

"Take your time, Alice. I'll order you a milkshake for the ride."

She jingled the keys in her hand as Hal walked away, his heavy footing fading away after a few seconds. Alice leaned against the trailer and let out a long sigh. FP leaned closer, trying to get a look at her face, when her hand whacked the screen.

"Fuck!" he fell back onto the couch and when he looked up, he could see Alice's silhouette in the window.

"You shit," she hissed. "You fucking sneak. You like listening to us, huh?"

He got back on his knees and yanked the curtain back. Alice looked half ready to rip the screen open with the car keys.

"Maybe I don't like being woken up at the ass crack of dawn by -"

"It's after 10!"

"I went to sleep late!" He finally lit his cigarette. "I'll let you in if you promise not to hit me."

"You'll let me in or I'll burn this fucking trailer to the ground."

"Fair enough."

He rolled off the couch and made his way to the front door a few feet away. Alice stepped through, nose turned up at the mess inside. She shrunk two inches as she slowly slid her heels off, setting them neatly near the door. She held her hand out to FP.

"Give me a smoke." He handed her the pack of cigarettes from his shirt pocket and she pulled out two. One went right in her mouth and the other behind her ear. She took his lighter from the coffee table and dropped the car keys in its place.

"This place is a dump." She lit her cigarette and took a long inhale. "God, you have no idea how nice it is to have a smoke without sticking your head out a window."

FP plopped back down on the couch. "Cooper's don't let you smoke?"

"As if." She eyed the armchair, but continued standing. "Smoking is a carnal sin." She wrinkled her nose. "I think I used that right at least. It's bad, I know that. One way ticket to hell. Mrs. Cooper would kill me if she saw."

FP absentmindedly picked at a hole forming in his couch. Some green stuffing poked out. "So what can I do for you, Al? You look like a lady on a mission. Well, the heels make you look like a lady anyway. Now that they're off -"

"You know why I'm here." She opted for sitting on the armrest of the couch. "Don't act like you don't."

"You're leaving soon, right?" He trying cramming some of the stuffing back in. "Had to come here to say bye."

"You're leaving too, moron." Alice crushed her hardly smoked cigarette in the ashtray on the coffee. FP cringed. "You thought - what?"

"This is why I never let you bum a cigarette." He sighed and pulled the ashtray closer to him. "You take three puffs and stamp it out."

"Forsythe." FP's head popped up. Her voice was cold. "Did you or did you not enlist in the fucking army?"

"Al, come on." His eyes went to the low ceiling. "What are you even asking me?"

"Yes or no?" She slid off the armrest and on to the couch. "Just answer me."

He pressed his lips together and looked her in the eye. She smacked her hand against the cushion between them. "Goddamnit. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Alice crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back against the couch. "Al, talk to me. Why are you so pissed over this?" He poked her arm and she whacked his hand away.

"You're an idiot, that's why." She stared straight ahead at the small tv. He could see his own reflection when he looked towards it.

"I thought I was a moron." He tried poking her again, but she hit his chest before his hand was anywhere near her. She turned to him with slit eyes.

"Idiot, moron, dumbass, loser." Alice poked him with each word. "All of the above."

She crossed her arms tighty again, staring dead ahead. FP sighed and slumped against the opposite side of the couch.

"Hey, you didn't exactly tell me you were leaving for college."

Her head shook ever so slightly. "Not the same and you know it."

"How's it not the same? Jesus, Al. You disappeared for months without -"

"Don't!" Alice hissed. Her body turned slightly and she waved a long pink fingernail in his direction. "You do not get to talk about that. I came back and the Coopers were gracious enough to let me stay with them so I wouldn't have to go back with my dad." She lowered her finger. "End of story."

Alice's gaze stayed on him, so he went back to picking at the hole in the couch. "Now you're leaving again."

"I'm going to college, FP. A good college. One that I got into all on my own, okay?" She let out a deep breath. "I'm proud of myself. Have you ever felt that in your life?"

No , the little voice in his head whisper. He shrugged. "I guess so. Like when I was playing football."

"When I got that letter, I - I never ever felt like that before. It was better than any high I've ever gotten." She twisted the ring around her finger. "I have spent my entire life trying to prove myself, and I finally did. I'm going to college."

"Good." FP nodded, still not looking to her. "You deserve it, Al. No one wants to stay in this town forever."

Alice looked him up and down and shook her head slowly. "Some people do."

And there is was.

FP's mouth went dry. He jumped off the couch and made his way to the small kitchen, Alice right on his heels.

"You're leaving him, FP. How can you do that?"

He pulled open the fridge and pulled out a beer. He held it uncertainly for a moment before grabbing the bottle opener off the counter and opening it. "You're leaving him too," he said with the bottle to his lips. He drained a quarter of a bottle before he put it down. "We're all leaving. That's what we do. We finish high school and run as far away from this town as we can get. For some of us, that's Boston." He tilted his bottle at her and took another sip. "And for some of us, that's where ever the United States Army takes us."

"You are un-fucking-believable." She ran her hands through her hair and the cigarette behind her ear fell to the floor of the kitchen. She didn't notice. "He loves you, FP. Loves you. And you're just leaving him like this? High and dry? Do you have any idea what he's going through?"

"We're all leaving, Al." He took a sip. "You and Hal to Boston, Mary to Chicago, Hiram to New York. Hermione isn't long for this town either. I know she isn't." He let out a chuckle. "Oh hell. Maybe he and that prude Penelope can have a good old time together."

Alice hit his arm and he clutched his bottle to not drop it. "His dad is dying and everyone he cares about is leaving him, FP. You were his last lifeline in this town."

"Yeah well." He lifted the beer bottle to his mouth and drained the rest of it. He put on his best impersonation of Hal as he said, "It's not our jobs to make other people happy. I need to myself myself happy. Fred needs to make himself -"

Alice yanked the beer bottle out of his hand and tossed it to the floor. Instead of breaking, it bounced once and rolled near the dropped cigarette.

"You two could have something good, you know." Tears were pooling in the corners of her eyes. "But no. You're such chicken shit. You're so afraid to be happy for once in your life." She threw her hands up in the air as a line of tears started rolling down her face. "Will running away and joining the army make you happy? Of course not! You won't make it past basic training." FP muttered something under his breath. "Speak up, stupid."

He pressed his lips together before saying slowly. "I am not good enough for him, okay? I will never be able to make Fred happy. I'm never going to be able to do for him what someone like Mary or Hermione could. I can't -" His hand reached for the refrigerator for another beer, but he just held on to the door instead. "I can never be that person for him. I can't let everyone know. Let everyone see us." He slumped against the fridge. "I am a mess. I need to clean myself up, okay? Get my act together. Maybe this will be the push I need. Maybe," he gulped, "maybe then I can be the guy Fred needs. The one who deserves him."

Alice's lip quivered. "I hate you sometimes," she whispered. "I went to Fred's to drop something off last night. Bunny said he's hardly left his room in three days. Barely eaten. She only even found out what was going on that morning." She pulled up her collar and wiped her face quickly with it. "I can't stand around and watch one of my best friend's break the other one's heart. Because watching it breaks my heart. I will," she rubbed her eyes with her hands, "I swear to God, Forsythe. I will never speak to you again if you don't make this right before you go. I will never, ever forgive you for hurting him."

"I can't." His voice cracked. "He told me he hates me. He told me to get lost, to leave -"

"So?" She tangled both her hands in her hair. The light just caught the ring on her finger before it disappeared in her curls. "You will talk to him or you will die trying. You hear me?"

"I told you, I can't -"

"Then I'm gone."

"Al, come on."

Alice spun on her bare feet and made her way back to the living room. She grabbed her heels as she made her way out the door, slamming the cheap metal as hard as she could.

FP groaned. He grabbed Hal's car keys from the coffee table and his sneakers from near the couch. He slid them on as he ran after her.

By the time he got outside, she was leaning against the driver side door of Hal's Dodge, pulling her heels back on. She glared at him as she pulled the left one on.

"Too late," she called. She wiped the back of her clothes off from the car's dust. "I am done with you forever."

"Bullshit." He leaned over the edge of the banister. He knew some of the neighbors would be watching and the last thing he needed was for one of them crying in the middle of the trailer park. "You're not going anywhere without me."

Alice flipped him off with one hand and pulled the door handle with the other. Her body tensed and he slowly made his way towards the car, keys extended in front of himself. She snatched them from him.

"Just get inside the car, asshole."


	2. Fred

"Are you going to go inside peacefully or do I need to drag you?" she asked. Artie's car was the only one in the driveway. FP had half the money from when they sold the Shaggin Wagon in the empty coffee can on top of his fridge. It would be the first thing he tossed in his duffle bag when he started packing.

"I'm going," he said quietly. He put his hand on the door, but didn't open it. "Will I see you again before I leave?"

"Depends. When are you leaving?"

He jutted his mouth to the side. "Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Alice gripped her hands into the steering wheel. She took a deep breath and let it back out. "No, FP. I won't see you before I leave. Hal and I have to head to Mal-Mart today and buy stuff for our apartment in Boston."

His fingers rapped against the door. "So I guess this is it, huh?"

"I'll be back for Thanksgiving and Christmas and all."

"I won't."

"Oh." Her lip pouted out for a second before she pulled it together and clicked her teeth instead. "Come here." She slid down the bench seat and pulled him into a hug. "I'll miss you, stupid."

"I'll miss you too, Al." He gave her a quick squeeze before letting go. "You smell like cigarettes."

Alice pinched his arm before opening the glove compartment, the ring on her finger catching the light as she moved it past him. "And you smell like beer, you jerk." She dropped a tin of Altoids in his lap. He popped three in his mouth and cracked down on the first one.

"Hey." The question seemed silly, but that had never stopped him. "Are you and Coop getting married?"

"What?" Alice's eyes bugged out. "Why would you -"

FP jutted his chin at her hand. "The ring."

"No!" Alice clasped her hands quickly together. "It's not a - we're not getting married or anything." She looked down at the tiny ring and FP could see her biting the inside of her cheek. "It's a promise ring. That's it."

FP's lip twitched. "Promising what?"

She twisted it around her finger. "Promising, you know." She shrugged. "A future. A life together. Just cut it out, okay? Don't make me take back saying I'll miss you."

"Well, will you promise me something? Since it's a promise ring and all?"

She rolled her eyes. "What?"

"Promise me you'll never marry Hal. Please?"

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Alice scowled. "I already have a single-at-40 pact with Fred, so don't even try it. We purposely left you out."

"Well, you should just know that no one will ever be able to take you seriously if you change your name to," he chuckled, "Alice Cooper."

She smacked his chest before the words were even out of his mouth.

"You're such a dick," she muttered. "I take back everything. I'm not going to miss you at all."

"Liar." He looked up at the house towards Fred's attic bedroom but, with the sun bearing down, he couldn't tell if a light was on or not. "You'll be sad when they send my dogtags home if I die."

"Fat chance." She followed FP's gaze. "This is your only shot, okay? Don't fuck this up."

"So if I fuck up in the army I'm done for?"

Alice's head fell back against the seat. "I mean with Fred."

"Right." He gulped, taking another look at the house. For a second, he thought he saw something move in the window but he wasn't sure. "You coming in with me?"

"I've done enough, I think." She sighed. "Someone seems to think I need to let you morons work out your own problems. And Hal's waiting for me at Pops. It's been way longer than a half hour."

He finally pulled the door open and climbed out of the car. "Good luck in Boston. I mean it."

She nodded. "Good luck. Good luck with Fred I mean." She flipped him off. "I hope you die in basic training though. Serves you right for all the hell you've caused me."

"Love you too, Al." He pat the side of the car as she pulled out of the Andrew's driveway. She let out three short honks before taking off down the street.

It would be so easy to leave. To walk back to the trailer park from here like he'd done so many times before. Alice wouldn't need to know. If she was so busy, she wouldn't have time to call Fred until at least tomorrow, maybe even the day after. He'd be long gone by then. Probably sitting ass to elbows on a hot bus with how many other young suckers taking the plunge and joining the US Army. He didn't have to say goodbye to anyone if he didn't want to.

But no. As much as he hated to admit it, Alice was right. She was always right, especially when it came to stuff like this. He copied Alice's routine and took one deep breath in, one deep breath out, one deep one in, one deep -

"What the fuck are you doing here?" FP spun on his heel. Fred was standing in the doorway. "I told you I didn't want to talk to you."

"Freddy," FP pleaded. "Let's just -"

"Don't Freddy me!" Fred took took off down the front steps, waving his index finger in a way that reminded him of an eerie mixture of Alice and Bunny. "Get the fuck off my lawn." He stopped barefoot in the grass ten feet from FP. "Go ahead. Leave."

FP swallowed. Fred was doing his best to try and act tough, but he saw the hurt all over his face. His eyes were splotchy, his short hair was sticking out at weird angles. The oversized t-shirt he was wearing - a RHS athletics one that had most definitely belonged to FP at one point in time - looked like it had seen better days.

"I'm not going anywhere until we talk."

"I said get the fuck off my lawn, FP." Fred gestured wildly to the street. "Go!"

FP looked down to his feet. "I'm in your driveway, not the lawn."

Fred's eye twitched. "Then get out of my driveway."

"Make me."

His lip quivered. "FP, don't make me do something I'll regret. Leave."

"Oh fine." He took a step forward. "I'll leave the driveway." Another step. "I'll join you on the lawn." Another step.

Fred parted his legs, as if ready to defend the land under his feet. "If you so much as lay a toe on my dad's front lawn, I'll knock your teeth out."

"Oh yeah?" FP took another step, much slower this time. His sneakers were an inch from the grass. "How do you plan on doing that?"

Fred balled up his fist. "Don't you fucking do it."

"Do what?" He hovered his right foot over the grass. "Oh, you mean this?"

The grass made a soft crunching noise as he stepped on it. FP winced. Once upon a time, when Artie was in better health, this was the greenest, fullest lawn on -

Fred's body slammed into him, knocking him flat on his ass in the driveway. He braced the fall with his hands.

"Jesus Christ, Freddy." He tried getting up and Fred leaned down and shoved him again. "Come on, I just want to talk."

"Leave!" Fred hissed. "Get the fuck away from my house and get the fuck away from me!"

FP pushed off the ground and Fred shoved him for a third time.

"How do you expect me to leave if you won't let me get up?"

"I don't care!" Fred shouted. FP tried for a fourth time, but he prepared himself. As Fred's hand came down, FP grabbed him by the forearm and pulled. He landed with a thud, half on the grass and half on the asphalt.

"I didn't mean to pull you that hard." FP got on his knees and extended his hand to Fred. "Lets just go inside and -"

Fred pounced on him before he even had his barings back, knocking him flat on his back this time. FP covered his face as Fred started swatting at him. The guy was never much of a fighter, but he was fueled by rage.

"I told you to never come back here again!" Fred yelled between hits. "You said you were leaving, so just go!"

"Fred!" FP finally caught his wrists and pulled Fred down to his chest. "Relax," he said softly. "Just calm down. I'm here to -"

He pulled himself from FP's grip and fell back on the grass. He panted, red in the face, as he tried collecting himself.

"Calm down?" There was either sweat or tears collecting in in the corners of his closed eyes. "You came all the way here to tell me to calm down? How's this for calm down?"

Fred kicked him square in the shin. Even barefoot, it hurt. FP slid a few feet away into the grass as Fred's foot went after him again and missed. After Fred's foot kicked out for a third time and missed FP, Fred let his whole body go limp as he gave up. His mouth opened once, twice before a sob finally escaped and he cried into his hands.

FP crawled over on his knees. Fred tried to shrug him off, but FP didn't let go, wrapping his armstightly around him from behind. Undoubtedly, there were people watching them, but a quick look glancing up and down the street didn't give him a good idea of who. Couldn't trust anyone in this town to mind their own business, that was for sure.

He leaned down and planted his face near Fred's neck. "Lets go inside, okay?"

"Why are you here?" Fred sobbed.

He ran his hand quickly through Fred's hair as he loosed his grip. "Alice talked me out of making a big mistake and not saying bye."

"Saying bye?"

Fred pulled himself out of FP's arms, but instead of pulling away - or hitting him - he wrapped his arms right back around him and fell onto his chest.

A curtain moved on the house next door, and a scandalized neighbor watched the two of them. FP silently flipped them off as he rocked Fred back and forth with his other arm.

"Your parents home?" he whispered in Fred's ear.

Fred shook his head ever so slightly. FP stood up and pulled Fred up. "Dad's treatment," he said simply and FP didn't push. That was the one subject you didn't push with. Fred wiped his eyes with his palms when he got back on his own two feet. "I'm hungry."

"You want to go to Pops?"

He dragged his feet to the front door. "I'll make us something."

Lunch wound up being Fred taking cold chicken and pasta out of the fridge and them eating on stools at the kitchen island. FP remembered Alice's line about Fred hardly eating for the last few days and he was happy to see Fred take a third piece of chicken like it was nothing. He himself ate better than he had in days, truly hungry for the first time since he signed those papers last week.

"Last meal." Fred broke the silence as he dropped a half eaten drumstick on his plate. "Sorry it wasn't hot."

"It's fine."

"The food is supposed to be bad, right?" Fred stares down at the plate. "In the army. Slop and stuff? Or - or am I thinking of prison food?"

FP jabbed a piece of pasta with his fork. "I don't know, Freddy."

"Where are you going exactly?" Fred's eyes looked to him before fixing on the plate again. "I mean, is there an address or something? Somewhere I can send a letter?" He swallowed. "If I decide I ever actually want to speak to you again that is."

He shoved his fork in his mouth. God, he'd miss Bunny's cooking. It had only been a few days since he was over, but he had almost forgotten that even her leftovers were heaven. "I don't think so."

"Come on." Fred put his hand on FP's arm. "Of course there's an address. You're just going to basic training. I know they let you get mail there. People get mail when they're off at war. You won't even be that far for training, right?"

His arm tensed under Fred's touch. "I just think it's better if you don't write to me, okay?" He quickly picked up the last pieces of pasta, successfully brushing Fred's hand away. "Just don't - don't even think about me. I don't think it's good for either of us."

Fred dropped his arm and scoffed. "What, is this you breaking up with me or something?"

He finally looked Fred in the eyes. "Or something. Yeah."

"You fuck." He kicked back his stool a bit and folded his arms over his chest. "Everything we've gone through together. Everything. And you're just - did you even think about me? For a goddamn second?"

"I have done nothing but think about you for the last four years." FP dropped his fork to his plate. "But for the first time ever, I need to think about myself, okay?"

Fred's lips pouted out like a child. He blinked a few times to keep the tears at bay. "Not okay. Not okay, FP."

"I hate that you need to go through this stuff with your dad. You know that." He tried to touch Fred's arm, but he jerked back in his chair another few inches. It wasn't worth pushing it. "But I can't - I can't stay here just for you."

"Why?" Fred's voice cracked. "Do you think I - you think I wouldn't do it for you?"

"You're a better person than me, Freddy." He reached out to Fred once more and he stood up so quickly, the wooden chair fell to the ground behind him. "I don't deserve -"

"Fuck you!" Tear fell freely down Fred's face. He was never one to hide his shame. "My dad is dying, FP. Dying! All of our friends are leaving for college. And now you," he shook his head, "you're leaving just to run away."

"I am not running away."

"Bullshit."

FP stood up and took a step towards Fred. "I am sorry about your dad, Fred. I love Artie more than I love my own goddamn father. But do you hear yourself? I'm suppose to put my life on pause for you?"

"On pause?" Fred screwed up his face. "How would I be putting your life on pause?"

"Don't act like you won't just ditch me the second Mary or Hermione rolls back around." He clenched his fists. "We've played this song and dance for years. I know the routine. So don't you get mad at me for breaking the pattern and doing something that I want to do!"

"Don't pretend this was your plan all along. We laughed at those army recruiters who came to school on career day. You've never thought about enlisting in your life. What? You walk past the office in Greendale and go, 'Look they have free sandwiches inside!' and just waltz in there and sign some contract you were probably too dumb to read first!"

"You fucking," FP said through grit teeth as he waved a finger at Fred, "you sound an awful fucking lot like Alice right now."

"Yeah well," Fred waved a finger and mimicked FP, "you look a lot like her right now."

FP let out a noise halfway between a sob and a laugh. Fred followed suit and a second later fell into FP's outstretched arms. They stood like that for a time he couldn't read - two minutes, two hours, somewhere in between.

"You can't go," Fred finally whispered against his chest. "What if you get shipped overseas? What if," he looked up at him, "what if you die too?"

"I'm not." He took Fred's face in his hands. "No one is dying."

"You could."

"But I won't."

"But you could!"

"Fred!" FP rubbed circles on Fred's cheeks. "This isn't forever, okay? It's only a few years."

Fred shook it head softly. "What's a few?"

"Four," he sighed. Fred sucked his teeth.

"In four years everyone will be back home anyway." Fred tugged on FP's shirt. "It's stupid, I know. But I thought, I thought maybe -"

"What? That we'd get our time alone while everyone else went off to school?" Fred's mouth opened but FP kept talking. "That we'd have all the time to ourselves because we wouldn't have to worry about our classmates judging us? That we could prance down the street holding hands like no one would care? And the second one of them came home, you'd toss me aside again?"

"That's - no." Fred's lip quivered and FP's let his hands fall off his face. "You really think I'm that selfish? That I want everyone else to leave to get a few years with you and then toss you aside?"

FP shrugged. "Not selfish. You're just used to a certain amount of - of love, okay? And I'm so sorry, Freddy, but I don't think I'm ever going to be the one to give you what you want."

"No." Fred shook his head. His voice grew cold. "You don't get to tell me what I want, okay? What I need. You don't get to decide what's good for me or what's going to make me happy. I love you, okay? I love you."

"And Mary?" He took his hands off of Fred all together, but Fred still clutched his t-shirt. "Forget about her?"

"Mary and I decided we need a break," Fred said softly. He looked FP in the eyes. "I don't want to hold her back from anything while she's in Chicago. And she doesn't feel right keeping me tied to her when she's so far away. I think it's for the best."

"But once she's home for break, you'll rekindle." FP's eyes went to the ceiling. "You love her."

"Of course I love Mary, but that doesn't mean," he let go of his shirt and let his nails softly run down FP's chest. He caught the lump in his throat. "It doesn't change the way I feel about you. The way I've always felt. It's different with her."

FP took a step back. "Different how? Because she's a girl?"

"Because I don't think I can ever commit to Mary when there is still the slightest chance that this," he gestured between the two of them, "could happen."

He took Fred's hand and raised it to his lips. When he lowered it, he covered it with his over hand and pulled Fred towards him.

"I care about you, Fred. More than I care about anyone else in the world, okay?" He took Fred's hand and held it towards his chest. "But I am telling you now. It - this - isn't going to happen now, okay?" Fred opened his mouth again, but FP spoke over him. "I don't know what I'm doing. Not a goddamn clue. My dad tried to whip me into shape with tough love. With smacking me around. And all it did was make me do the opposite of what he wanted. Now I'm 18-years-old and I am lost. You've always been the one who kept me grounded. Who kept me together. But I need to do something on my own for now."

"You're doing this all for what? Just to learn some discipline?"

"Partly. But it's more than that."

"We could be happy," Fred whispered. He moved his fingers so they intertwined with his. "We could be - could be open. People could know. I don't care, okay? I love you and -"

"No." FP kissed Fred's hands again. "You deserve to be happy, Fred. Hell, maybe being a alone for a bit will be good for you too. We both need a break."

"I don't need a break from you."

"You're too close to the problem, Freddy. You don't even realize how bad you need away from me. From all of us."

"I'm writing to you," Fred insisted. A new fire was lit in his eyes. "I'll find out where to send them to if you don't just tell me."

"You can write, but I can't promise I'll write back."

Fred pulled their hands apart and rubbed the scruff on FP's cheek. "You're going to have to shave all this."

He nodded. "I'll do it when I get there."

"The hair too." Fred wrapped a small lock of it around his finger and gave it a tug. "Buzzcut, I think."

"They'll do it for me."

Fred smiled sadly. "You won't look like you anymore."

"New life, new look."

"Right." Fred sighed and fell back into FP's embraced. "Tomorrow, right?" he whispers in his ear.

FP sways Fred back and forth ever so slightly. "Tomorrow."

"Lets spend all day together. One last hurrah. We'll visit all our favorite places, say bye to whoever you want to say bye to."

"I don't want to say bye to anyone."

"Then fuck it." Fred looked up at him. "You'll say goodbye to no one."

A pang filled his chest at Fred's idea. "As nice as that sounds, I need to finish packing up the trailer today."

Fred nodded slowly. "I'll help." His hand traveled back up to FP's face and he took his chin. He brought their lips together.

They lost track of time again, kissing in the middle of tha Andrew's kitchen. Thirty seconds or minutes? Fred Andrew's had never half assed a kiss in his life and that was no exception.

When they broke apart, their hands each holding the other's face, Fred smiled sweetly at him. FP figured it might be the last genuine smile he ever got out of him and savored it.

Fred took his hand and pulled him to the staircase.

"Freddy, I need pack."

"Lets say goodbye to each other first."

Every part of FP tells him it's a bad idea, to just cut the cord and leave.

But nothing can make him say no to Fred when he might feed him that smile again.


	3. Tom

"I'll chase after the bus once it pulls away, okay?" Fred bopped him in the nose. "I'll make it nice and dramatic. I'll keep screaming, 'Forsythe Pendleton Jones Junior, I love you!' until the bus is too fast for me and I'm left panting in the middle of the road with tears running down my face and you -"

FP quickly planted a kiss on Fred's lips. "Stupid. You have a car. Why would you chase the bus?"

"It's more dramatic that way." Fred adjusted the rearview mirror to see the bus parked some fifty feet away across the lot. "Always go with the more dramatic approach."

"Right. How could I forget your life motto?"

FP turned in his seat, hoping Fred didn't notice the way he checked out all side of the car before leaning in and kissing him again. They were all the way in Greendale, but it didn't mean a familiar face or two wasn't around. Not to mention plenty of new faces too. People heading to the same place as him. The last thing he needed was to get booted out his first day, before he even got on the bus.

"I'll wait for you, you know." Fred stroked FP's cheek as he talked. They slumped down low enough in the front seat that no one would see them. "If that's what you want."

"Freddy, you've never waited for a thing in your life." FP reluctantly pulled away from Fred's touch. When was the next time someone would touch him like that again? "And I don't want you starting with me. It's going to be a long time before I come back."

Fred followed suit and straightened up too. "I don't care, you know. I will wait if you -"

FP shook his head. "I don't want you to wait for me. I don't want you putting your life on hold for even a second. Promise me that."

"But -"

He held a finger to Fred's lips. "No buts. Just say okay."

Fred's voice came out as low as could be. "Okay." He nodded slowly. "Okay, but - but you need to know our story isn't over, FP. Not by a long shot."

They met eyes and FP swallowed the lump in his throat. His heart pounded in his chest twice as fast as what was normal. "Course not, Freddy."

"Plus," Fred tilted his head towards the backseat, "I'm storing all your shit at my house. If you want it back one day, you need to go through me."

Their heads turned in sync to the backseat. Every earthly possession FP had gathered in his nearly nineteen years was piled in boxes and shoved into garbage bags in the back seat, save for one oversized duffle bag in the trunk.

"You sure your folks won't mind keeping it in your basement?"

"Of course not. It's not much."

"No, it's not." He sighed. "It's fine though. Most of it's junk anyway."

"Your stuff isn't junk." Fred playfully hit his arm. "It's yours. Your yearbook is buried somewhere in there. Your varsity jacket. Those eating competition medals. Your Serpent jacket."

"No," FP said quickly. "It's - that's not."

Fred's eyebrow raised. "You tossed it out?"

"Gave it back. You don't just toss out leather, Fred." He pressed his lips together. "Look, even if I - when I come back, I'm not getting back into that life. You need to know that, okay? Army's going to straighten me out. I'm never going back to that."

Fred nodded quickly. He took FP's hand and gave it a squeeze. "Good, F. Good."

He checked the rearview mirror again. "I guess I should get going."

"Bus doesn't leave for another 20 minutes."

"I don't want to start a reputation for being the guy who shows up at the last possible moment. I'm pretty sure timeliness is a big deal with these guys, right?"

Fred scrunched up his nose. "I'm pretty sure that's stuff you should already know before you signed up."

FP pressed a single finger to Fred's lips. "Don't start again, okay?"

"Right." Fred nodded quickly. "And yeah, I suppose you should get going. Good to make a good first impression and all too."

"Yeah." His put his hand on the door handle, but didn't open it. Yesterday he sat with Alice in the car, afraid to confront Fred. Now he didn't know how he'd leave him. "Hey, you remember what box my varsity jacket is in?"

"I packed almost everything myself." Fred twisted his body to reach the backseat, but FP put his hand on his shoulder to stop him. "No offence, but I wouldn't bring it with you. It'll look dumb over your uniform."

"No shit." FP rolled his eyes, but smiled. "Just take care of it. Please? I know it's stupid. It's just a jacket and it stopped meaning something the second we graduated but -"

"Hey." Fred reached out and touched his cheek. "I will take good care of all your stuff, okay? I'll hang the jacket right in my closet. Maybe I'll even sleep with it when I'm missing you." His thumb caressed FP's stubble. "Fuck, I miss you already. I'll probably drive home with it in the passenger seat."

"Freddy." His voice cracked at the name. "I'm - I'm going to -"

"Shush." Fred pulled his face close until their lips met. When they broke apart, he was giving him that smile one more time. "No goodbyes. Goodbye means it's over and it's not over."

"I love you." He nudged his nose against Fred. "I love you, Freddy."

"I love you too, F." Fred pulled away. "Now go make a good first impression."

Both boys got out of the car and walked around the back of the car. FP lit a cigarette as Fred fiddled with the latch of Artie's trunk. He tugged at the zipper of the duffle bag and FP grabbed his hand to stop him.

"Freddie, what -"

"I have a letter for you." Fred reached into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out a wrinkled envelope. "But you can't read it until you're gone, okay? I just," a flush came over his face, "I half wrote it when you first told me and I finished it this morning while you were still sleeping, so it's probably all over the place." He bit his lip. "To be honest, I didn't even reread it. I was in a daze for most of it. There's probably some awful stuff in here and I should have started over but this way just, it felt more real."

FP extended his hand. "Just give it here."

"No." Fred shook his head. "You're going to read it before you even get to the bus." He cracked a smile. "Well, you would if you weren't the slowest reader ever."

Fred shoved him playfully and FP caught his wrist and pulled him into an embrace, cigarette still perched in his lips. Similar scenes of goodbye were playing out around the scattered cars in the parking lot and no one seemed to glance their way.

Fred had refused to shower at the trailer, complaining of lack of time, the shitty water pressure, not having his favorite shampoo on him. FP inhaled the light smell of sweat from the clothes he'd been wearing from yesterday. How long until would be be able to trap that smell in his nose and remember?

When they broke away, FP turned to the trunk and grabbed the duffle bag with ease, tossing the strap over his shoulder. He flicked the ashes off his cigarette and unzipped the tiniest hole, just big enough for Fred to slip the letter in. He closed it quickly before Fred could look inside.

"This is it," FP said simply. Fred slammed the trunk closed.

"For now at least." Fred leaned against the trunk. "Now get lost. And don't read that letter until you're gone. Don't tear it open while I'm still sitting here."

FP gave him a half hearted salute. "Well don't sit around waiting for the bus to leave, okay? Just get going. Spend some time with Mary before she leaves." FP took a few steps backwards. "Stay gold, Ponyboy."

Fred laughed. "Get the hell out of here. I know you never finished that book." He jutted his chin out and mouthed, "I love you."

"I love you too, Freddy."

That smile was back on Fred's face. FP spun around quickly. He wanted that to be the last image of Fred burned in his brain for the next four years.

He stomped out his cigarette a few feet from the bus and gave the uniformed officer his name before getting the clearance to climb aboard. He couldn't help himself and took one last look. Artie's car was still there, but Fred must have gotten back inside.

There were a dozen or so other guys on the bus, no two people sitting together. He dropped his bag on an empty seat and unzipped it. The letter had fallen between the side of the bag and his bunched up Serpent jacket he'd smuggled along.

How could you start a new life if you didn't bring apart of your old life to remember who you were? Or hell, maybe he'd find a place to burn it once he got there. Only time would tell.

He tossed his bag in the overhead storage and looked out the window again. Artie's car was pulling out of the lot. He plopped down in his seat and tore the letter open. Fred's messy scrawl greeted him.

Dear F,

Fuck you. I fucking hate you and you're never going to hear from me again. Chew this letter up and choke on it after you read it for all I care.

FP held in his snort. Fred was full of passion, even in writing. He turned the pages over. Five and a half pages, ending with a -

You're sleeping right next to me but I miss you so much already.

Love forever,  
Freddy

The front of the bus creaked as another person stepped aboard. FP's lip twitched at the sight. He waited for the boy to look his way before he waved him over.

Tom Keller's eyes locked with his and he swore he almost saw them roll to the ceiling. Tom forced a smile before making his way over to him. FP quickly shoved the letter in the pocket of his jeans. He'd listen to Fred and read the rest once he was far away.

"Tommy Keller!" FP grinned brilliantly at him and stuck out his hand. Tom eyed FP for a moment before sticking out his hand as well.

"Forsythe Jones," he said in the same tone. The gave each other a rather enthusiastic handshake, as if they hadn't seen each other in years instead of just the few weeks since graduation.

FP pat the empty seat next to him. Tom shrugged and hoisted his duffle bag on to the carry on rack above their heads.

"Your hair! It's gone." FP reached out and rubbed his head. "You look like a different person."

Tom smacked his hand away and smoothed what was left of his hair. "Yeah, well they were going to cut it anyway, right? My mom thought it was a better idea to just get it over and done with."

"Right, right." FP nodded. "I ditched the earring." He pointed to his ear. "I didn't think I'd be allowed."

"Didn't think," Tom mouthed softly. "You - did you read the guide?"

"There was a guide?"

Tom shut his mouth and forced out another smile. "Don't worry about it." The bus doors slammed shut in the front. "You won't be the only one, I'm sure." Tom looked straight ahead. "I thought I saw Fred driving past us when we drove in, but I wasn't sure."

"Yeah, that was him alright. He dropped me off."

Tom glanced sideways at him. "Surprised he didn't stay to see you off."

"Told him not to." The bus started up and slowly moved across the parking lot. "You know him."

"Right." Tom turned his whole body. "I'm sorry, FP. I don't mean to be rude, but what the hell are you doing here? You're not - since when have you been interested in the military?"

FP ran his hands down the side of his pants, feeling the crinkle of the letter in his pocket. "I had no other plans, you know? Why the fuck not join the army?"

He could see Tom's jaw clench. "This isn't a joke you know."

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding." FP let out a long sigh. The bus pulled out of the parking lot. "I need to get my life together, okay?" he said softly. "This is the best way I knew how. Maybe it's not the right way. Maybe I won't make it until the end of the week. But hell, I need to do something, you know?"

Tom blinked twice before nodding. "Yeah. Yeah, I get that. Sorry."

He rubbed his hands down his jeans. "Don't worry about it. You're right to question me. When have my intentions ever been pure?"

Tom cracked a smile in spite of himself. "Never. I won't lie though." He glanced around the bus. "It was kind of nice to see a familiar face. Even if it is you."

"Same, Tommy. Same." They passed a sign reading You are now leaving Greendale! "Hey, we sat next to each other at graduation. We might even be bunk mates." He nudged Tom's arm. "Won't that be fun? Jones and Keller."

"Oh God," Tom chuckled. "I hope not."

They drove past another sign reading Welcome to Riverdale! The Town with Pep! They'd have to pass around the outskirts of town to get to the highway. Tom craned his neck to get a look at it.

"This is going to sound messed up," Tom started, "but I never want to see that sign again. Goodbye Riverdale and good riddance. What about you?"

FP turned in his seat to see the sign shrinking in the distance. "We'll see, Tommy. We'll see."


End file.
